id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sorry about my life...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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