i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
