Banned from zoo.
Again?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
