just come out here and I will go home with you...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
