carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
