God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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