Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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