Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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