what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
