Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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