Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
