its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
