Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
love makes seman taste better
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
