Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
