I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize