We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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