I could have mohawked her pubes.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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