I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
