Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
