The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
