you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
