Plan B is the new Plan A
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
