I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
