How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
