At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
