hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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