I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
