my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize