the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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