I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
