so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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