If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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