I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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