I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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