Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
