Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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