Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you had me at cake vodka
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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