I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
