He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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