sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
