yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
