he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
