you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
