Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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