found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
