Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
