Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
