i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
