i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
