I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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