Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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