I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
