I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
