i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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