I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
