Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think I just sharted jello shots
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
