another moral hangover. fuck.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
