theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
