My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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