Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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