Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
we're so committed to being not committed
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
