we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
