Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
