So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
