I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
