i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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