My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
