Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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