went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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