You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
